In between Birth and Death

'Bench'-ing it!

2011-12-08T16:47:00.001+05:30

There is one thing that I really suck at in life - resting! As strange as it may sound I have this OCD to be doing something all the time. Making lists of things to-do and then striking them out is one of my favorite pass times. If I ever had some free time just to idle away, I would go around the house looking for stuff to clean or organize or make some craft out of. I know, you must be saying "what a nutcase".

So recently when my health took a really bad turn, I was forced to rest. It was my body's way of telling me that I should 'chillax'. I resisted it and was feeling really low that I was not making myself useful. I started complaining about how I had to quit my job and recuperate, and how I was not sure what I would do next etc. Well, in the first place i was in bad health because of the way i was crazily working. One of my friends said something really nice which stuck a chord with me. She said " imagine that you are walking along a beautiful path and there is fog in front of you. You can see a bench along the path, a beautiful lawn, some flowers growing and butterflies fluttering. Just take this moment and "bench it".

I think most of us resist it when things take a down turn in life and try to do something about it. I realize now that when nothing is working for you, you should just do nothing. Take the time to rest and regain strength from within, rather than getting energy by doing some activity.

Happy "bench"-ing people!

Love thy neighbour

2009-08-09T10:13:00.004+05:30

I remember a beautiful story (I forget the source now) about a farmer who followed this commandment very earnestly.

Jones was a flourishing farmer with humble beginnings. Being the first farmer in that area to use hybrid seeds, he got considerable media attention. A young journalist who was looking for something more than just what the 'hybrid' seeds could offer hit upon an unusual angle to this story. Apart from using the seeds on his own field , Jones was also distributing the same to his neighbours for free. This surprised the journalist because he thought being a smart businessman Jones would think about his profits and not distribute his seeds around. What he didnt know was Jones was a better businessman than anyone could ever fathom. Jones believed that if only he was using the 'good' seeds and his neighbours were using 'bad' ones, then his crop would also be of lesser quality due to cross-pollination and also pest attack from the neighbouring fields. By giving his neighbours the 'hybrid' seeds not only did he ensure that his crops were of the best quality he was also being lauded a good Samaritan.

I usually remember this story in the context of 'foreign affairs' and especially in the case of India. I believe that no country can achieve its fullest potential having troubled neighbours. India's neighbours have always caused her anxiety, more because of their internal problems than their issues with India.

I fully support India's external affairs policy of helping its neighbours rebuild their country and the lives of innocent civilians there. Be it Afganistan or Nepal, extending a helping hand without really interfering into their internal matters will not just do them good but also help us in the long run. Even if the show of strength continues at the borders, the other diplomatic measures should be taken forward with all the countries including Pakistan. Even if people say that the language best understood by Pakistan is the language of strength, as long as we can change the public perception inside that country into believing that we mean no harm, we have won half the battle.

Like the Jones in the story our efforts should be towards not just building our nation but also spreading the 'good' seeds around.

One weekend,a dozen cosemtics

2009-08-01T21:47:00.012+05:30

Packing for a weekend trip with a pair of jeans and two t-shirts/tops, but a dozen or so cosmetics baffled me. I was trying to fit everything into a small back pack but all my 'appearance-preserving' items demanded more space.

It got me thinking as to how till sometime back all I needed was a brush, paste and a bar of soap for the umpteen camps, events, trips that I have been to (OK,granted, a little more than some time back). And if I were going to a relatives or friends place I wouldn't even bother taking the tube of paste and the bar of soap. But now starting with my head and running down to my toe, every body part is clamoring for attention from a new product. I cannot place the entire blame on the Lakme, Biotique, Himalya and the likes for coming up with products for body parts which my grand mom would have considered unworthy of attention. Anybody want to know what a cuticle cream is ;)?

Coming back to my packing for the trip - I decided that my hair would need a wash once I landed after a grime-ridden train journey. That meant carrying three different products for the ritual - the first one used before the wash, one during the wash and last one after the wash. I definitely cannot skip taking my basic cleanser to wash myself, but then again I cannot use the same for my face (because the companies/magazines say that the skin is totally different on my face as compared to the rest of my body, but then how does my skin look the same everywhere?). That means two bottles of liquid stuff. Whoever the hell came up with CTM? (do not try googling for it,nothing on the first page will be even remotely akin to what I am talking about - cleansing, toning, moisturising),the first time I heard/read the abbreviation I thought it was something to do with computer technology.

After I have a wash I need products so that my skin is not damaged and to 'lock' the moisture in (somebody tell me what the 'key' is). And this is contingent upon the climate/ weather of the place I am in - the sun demands SPF and the clouds something else. Seriously!!!. Every few days I would also need something to take the dead skin off my face - yes, skin dies as well, if you did not know that before.

Let me stop here before I begin to recount the number of products that I packed to add colour to my face. And if this sounds crazy, I actually skip half a dozen products that my girl friends/ cousins use.

These are the times when I miss being a child when you don't really care if you were having a bad hair day (not going to bother explaining what that is, because I am still trying to understand what it really means) or your armpits smelled a little. You thought when one said 'oily' it meant your puri's and batura's and not your skin; 'combination' was about teams during a skipping game or hopscotch. Back then as long as you brushed your teeth and washed yourself everyday you were good to go. Sigh!!!those days....

Fre(e)ading

2009-07-18T20:09:00.002+05:30

I always thought that reading for free in a bookstore is not decent. How would they make their money, if everybody started reading sitting in the comfy chairs? Well,my morality stands corrected after I did the same some days back. I felt sneaky while doing it but then I was just one among the many.

'The Tales of Beedle the Bard' has been an object of my curiosity since I read about Hermione reading it in the last Harry Potter book. The exorbitant price pushed me into reading it on the spot. I blame my behaviour on the price. The over-rated book took over my over-rated morality.

I learnt a lesson in the process "it doesn't hurt to be cheap :P", at least not physically.

Full-circle

2009-05-03T08:38:00.005+05:30

Times in my life when I am astonished at how my parents and me have come a full-circle, are a few more than what I would have anticipated some years back. My parents have started listening to me not just hearing me out, I have started taking decisions for them, they are mute spectators when I call the shots....ok, am i sounding like a dictator here?..not that they didn't listen to me before but now the balance of power somehow seems to be tilted towards me than ever before. And all this in a very nice way; subtle way of them resting after decades of toiling, sacrificing and agonizing; obvious way of them evolving with times and wanting to give in to the younger influence in their lives.

My 'dad-daughter' activity this weekend makes me reflect on this more than any 'mom-daughter' activity ever. Maybe I just take it for granted that my mother has started listening to me and my opinions, however bizarre they might be. She certainly has changed her views on feminism, politics, casteism and I am getting there with gay marriages.

Dad and daughter replacing the front-door lock is a play fit to be enacted on Broadway. The tools strewn all over, raised voices, sweltering heat making it worse, all in all, the drama involved would make Uncle podger seem mild.

"Pa, its not done that way, will you just let me do it..." was the turning point when my father started assisting me and not the other way round. He just said "OK" and went on to hand me tools. He did not shout as to how he was right and I couldn't do it. He did not say how many times he had done this before. He just said "OK". After decades of playing second fiddle here I was, tightening the screw.

When the screw was going in circles I could see my life was doing the same.

Rocking the young

2009-03-24T10:12:00.006+05:30

Shut up and Vote !!!

Mohana is woken up by the jarring noise of the stopping fan. Another day starts with the power cut. She goes to brush her teeth greeted by the air swishing out of the pipe. After battling her way out of the house she finds her heart in her mouth each time the rickety bus falls into a pothole, or should I say a crater? Are you going to stop me here and say 'Deja vu', say that our system sucks, politicians are selfish, the country is going to dogs, etc.?

There might not be a panacea to all your worries and questions but there is certainly one question that the Jaago Re! One Billion Votes team would like to ask you..."so, what are you doing about it?" We lose our right to complain when we don’t exercise our duty to vote.

Janaagraha and Tata Tea together want to rock the young, not to sleep but out of their slumber. And they are doing this in style with their Jaago Re! One Billion Votes ‘Shut Up And Vote Tour’ courtesy Thermal and A Quarter, a pioneering Indian band. Rock shows for democracy is an innovative concept to integrate youth into the democratic framework of our country. The ‘Shut Up and Vote Tour’ by the rock band hopes to stir the conscience of the progeny.

So, get out and vote first, then you can make all the noises in the world to stop the jars and swishes from your fans and pipes.

(first posted on: http://jaagore.com/blogs/readComment.php?id=28)

Gossipice (gossip + spice)

2009-02-19T08:13:00.026+05:30

Early mornings are 'Internet time' for me. After my walk my mind is all fresh to absorb information - both the useful and the useless brand. Though my ever-whining conscience does drag me to the useful, let me admit that I don't reject Gk which people might call gossip. When I say gossip its strictly family and friends related. The circle is so large that I usually don't have time for the 'Kareena-Saif' variety. No offence to them, they are pretty good at churning out 'news' spicy enough for the front-page of certain newspapers but not for me.

I discovered recently that I can get more 'news' by just reading what my people write on each others "walls" and "scrapbooks" than by actually talking to them, that too just a mouse-click away. No wastage of time or resources on meeting people, e-mails or even phone calls. What my third cousin wrote on my first-cousin-once-removed's wall might be more authentic news than what I get second hand from an aunt. Yes, I am slightly jobless right now to be reading 'wall-to-wall' gabfests.

The concept of privacy settings hasn't sunk into most peoples minds. It gets even more interesting when friends put up photos and status messages without realising that some 'friends' also happen to be close/distant relatives or at least that the parents are also friends outside of the virtual world. I have had people frantically trying to reach me through all modes (e-mail, scraps, phone calls) when I congratulate them on their 'engaged/committed' status not to thank but to forbid me from telling anybody who knows their folks.

Thanks to all the networking sites I am well updated but I don't think its helping me attain sainthood any soon. But what the heck my 'spice less' life is sprinkled with some 'gossipice'.

P.S. to the crow post

2009-02-15T19:15:00.002+05:30

I found out today that apart from his daily cartoons, another passion with R.K.Laxman is to observe and sketch crows - because they are immensely intelligent birds and are unfairly dismissed by fretting preople as a nuisance.

Hmmm....I guess I could accept them as my forefathers now ;)

मेहमान पल भर के

2009-02-10T18:44:00.009+05:30

हे मानव ! ज़िन्दगी है छोटी

फिर आँख क्यों है रोती ?

जन्म से अंत तक कई जगहों में रहते ,

लेकिन कहीं भी मेहमान पल भर के |

माँ का कोख बस नौ महीनों का ढ़ेरा,

फिर लगाना कई गोदी का फेरा,

वह भी जब तक चल न सको,

बढ गए इतने, हाथों में टिक न सको |

बचपन का वस्त्र भी रूठ जाता,

जब शरीर उसे न अब भाता |

प्यारी है खेल क्षेत्र की कलियाँ,

मुर्जाये, जब ज़िन्दगी बने पहेलियाँ |

माँ का प्यार भी बिछड़ जाए,

पिता का भी न रह पाए |

मेहमान खुशियों के घर का,

जब तक पलटे न सिक्का |

पैरों से धरती जब खिसके

मेहमान हो शर शय्या के |

अरे ! देह के भी मेहमान तुम,

जब तक आत्मा हो जाए गुम |

चिता पर भी न टिके,

उड़ गए, संग आग के |

इस छोटी सी ज़िन्दगी का,

मुनाफा है लाखों का |

फिर क्यों एक दूसरे से लड़ते ?

दौतल के लिए मरते ?

हे मानव! तुम मेहमान पल भर के |

p.s. written in 1998

My 'crowing' forefathers

2009-02-01T18:38:00.011+05:30

Every morning my mom places a cup of cooked rice on the parapet wall on the terrace as an offering to the crows. She doesn't usually care if my dad is getting late for work or that I am really hungry. Until she finishes this ritual none of us get a morsel. She is so regular that the crows are hovering around the building around that time. It wouldn't be an exaggeration if I say that my mom has stopped looking at the clock in the morning. The crows tell her the time.

According to my mother crows are our hungry forefathers and we should be feeding them to keep them satisfied. She has never been able to answer my supplementary questions like all our politicians. If crows are our forefathers how come they eat non-vegetarian food after death? Aren't they being disloyal to the norms they set? But why crows, why didn't they take birth as some other bird or animal?

The scientific explanation given till now has been that we are helping in the propagation of a scavenging species, a la crow. And the only way of making the God-fearing people adhere to the ritual was by concocting the story about crows being our forefathers.

I am still looking for explanations. Help anyone....

Disclaimer: I am not trying to mock any ritual but only trying to understand it.

Republic Day

2009-01-26T10:36:00.040+05:30

Watching the 60Th Republic Day Parade today gave me a sense of pride and despair at the same time. Pride at the achievements of science and technology which transcends into defence equipments and the cultural diversity showcased in the cultural floats. Despair at the loss of precious lives fighting against terror.

The announcement of Ashok Chakra awardees moved me to tears. Not just at the sacrifices of the brave soldiers and policemen, but also at the way we treat them. Disappointed I am with the way the News channels are obsessed with celebrities on the cricket field and the silver screen; disappointed with myself for not doing enough to find out more about the heroes who safeguard my life. 30 seconds of airtime is all we give the martyrs on every Republic Day while an actress spraining her leg while shooting for her movie gets half an hour of prime time for a week. How many of the Ashok Chakra awardees did we know of before? Well, for the NDTVs, CNNIBNs, TIMESNOWs of the world they are not sensational enough. Even the coverage of 26/11 attacks concentrated more on selling 'Exclusive' interviews with the survivors.

The debate about the necessity of a parade in a nation starving for want of two square meals a day has been going on for as long as the parade itself. For me the celebration symbolises a sense of belonging to a nation which has as many peoples as the variety of items in an Indian thaali (plate serving meal in India), a sense of oneness. How many festivals do we know which are celebrated by the length and breadth of this country alike, for the same reasons, by the same name? Its also the celebration of a 'republic' which has survived strongly when her counterparts are struggling to; survived despite the internal struggles and differences; survived and lived to the fullest glory of the Constitution that the framers dreamed of.

Happy Republic Day!!! Vande Mataram.

National Pastime!!!

2009-01-08T17:57:00.045+05:30

Nope....I am not talking about America-bashing or War-mongering or Stock market-tracking....

You might not be able to relate to what I say if you aren’t 20-something-single, especially in India, let me rephrase-if you 'weren’t' 20-something-single in India ever. Any public gathering you go to or don’t go to, the questions are raised; all people can think about asking you over the phone is this; all they ask your parents, relatives, friends is this. The protagonists are usually the old uncles and aunts whom you never knew existed on your family tree. But even the just-married-younger cousins can start probing; don’t be fooled by their preoccupation with the 'honeymoon'. I call it the "National-Pastime" (please don’t sue me if you or someone you know, already named it so / or has an objection in me naming it so)

OK, OK, before you lose interest let me state what the pastime is....'Match-making' and 'Talking marriage'...the question comes with quiet a few variations....

"Are u still single?" (read "Are you out of your mind?")

"Are your parents looking for a boy for you?" (read "Are they being responsible in life?")

"How can you be unmarried at 26?" (read "Sacrilege!!!Sacrilege!!!)

"Did you see that boy wearing the white kurta? What do u think?" (Yes, decide your life partner at one glance at a wedding)

They are satisfied if you say "I am looking but not finding". But if you make the mistake of saying what my blabber mouth usually does: "not right now", you had it. Then follows the plethora of advice ranging from: "you need a companion" to "The ticking biological clock".

After many a slip from my end I learnt my lesson. All those people have made a good story-teller (self-proclaimed) out of me. I myself am surprised with things I can come up with on a moments notice and stand my ground for a while. One of them is about 'ACP Rathore' who is posted in rural Jharkhand and we are looking at a wedding as soon as he gets leave, steering the talk to regional imbalance or BIMARU states.

The other fib being 'Abhimanyu', who is working for an infrastructure company and is on an assignment to Uganda right now. You ask why Uganda of all places....well, I have way too many relatives/friends in the US and Europe who will jump at the first opportunity to say they would like to meet him. So,Uganda is safe and its not unimaginable with India's Look-Africa policy. Also, it steers the topic to "International Affairs" far away from my "Domestic Affairs".

Everybody married wants everybody else to be married. Fiendish!! "I am suffering after marriage, how could you be happy staying single". I call it fiendish only because I see them constantly having their brawls with their "better" halves. Wow, what a way to shove the "marriage" card down my throat.

While I was growing up I thought people went to weddings to wear nice clothes and jewellery. Then I grew up a little more and thought its an occasion to meet others, socialise. Now I think they come only to gossip and find out who is single-ready-to-be-noosed. People do you realise you are scarring me for life here!!!

I hope none of my 'well-wishing relatives' are reading this post. If you are then this is just a blog where I lie for lack of topics to write about.

(image source : blog.nextnewnetworks.com/2007/08/)

PRECIOUS SILENCE

2009-01-05T18:56:00.000+05:30

Reassuring it is,

when you are with a friend,

but in silence with him ,

even more so.

Reassuring that there is hope,

that there is spring after winter,

that the sun will rise tomorrow,

that the blanket will give,

warmth that the chill sucked out,

that beats of your heart,

will rhyme with the swinging branches,

that the rain will,

fill your heart with joy.

Reassuring that in life's different phases

he will be there to reassure you even more.

Good-Name hunting!!!

2009-01-05T14:51:00.000+05:30

The sweetest sound to ones ears is ones name. I believe in putting some effort in naming, whether a person, animal, thing or a blog. I promise its got nothing to do with the 'marketing' paper I took in which i flimflammed the examiner into believing that i was a Kotler family descendant.

My hunt to name my blog shook the 'resolute' in me for couple of days, yes that's not a typo i meant days. I dabbled with words like me, myself, confused, thoughts, dreams, born, life (definitely not in that order) with multitude of nouns , pronouns and prepositions and in the end came to the stage of naming my blog "i-give-up" and guess what, even that was taken!

Rummaging around ‘blogger’ I hit upon a lot of interesting blog titles which had no posts under them. What sort of a sadistic pleasure are these people getting by registering a blog with 'hard-to-find' names and then not even using them?

I was concluding that if I couldn't come up with a name i sure shot couldn't write any posts. And then came the 12 o'clock revelation, 12:03 am to be precise when i was philosophizing with a friend about "in the end everything turns out OK, its only the interim period called 'life'" And voila!! my blog 'In between Birth and Death".....